Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
