Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
