he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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