ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
