i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Two words: nipple clamps
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