why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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