I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
