Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
