A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
