was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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