Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
