first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
