There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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