best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
