He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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