im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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