oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
