Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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