Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
