I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
