Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
