I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
