I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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