she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
