just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
