come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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