Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
