So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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