apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
