He had one of those small greek statue penises
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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