He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
