I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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