It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
