I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
