There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
