I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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