Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
