dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
