drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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