You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
