Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
