Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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