Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
