I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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