Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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