So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
