if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
