u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize