i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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