I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
