i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
