I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
