yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
