thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
