I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
