did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
