Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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