he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
