I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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