it's like iHOP with fire
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
