I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
