Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
