Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
