Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
